Before You Fix Your Thoughts, Get to Know Them

Before You Fix Your Thoughts, Get to Know Them

How understanding cognitive distortions can gently change your life

Ever found yourself struggling after a small mistake? Maybe you think, “I’m such a failure,” or assume someone didn’t reply because “they must be mad at me”? If so, you’re not alone. These kinds of thoughts, called cognitive distortions and are very common and can influence how we feel and act deeply. The good news? Just noticing them is the first step to gently shifting your perspective.

In here, we’ll explore cognitive distortions through the lens of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), focusing on an important starting point to learning about your thoughts with kindness and curiosity.

What Are Cognitive Distortions?
Cognitive distortions are those little habits in our thinking that twist or interfere with how we see reality. Think of them as mental funhouse mirrors, like they bend the truth just enough to make things seem worse or more threatening than they really are. These patterns can fuel feelings of anxiety, sadness, or stress. But once you recognize them, they start to lose their power.

Here are some common types, based on the work of CBT experts (like Aaron Beck and David Burns):

• All-or-Nothing Thinking: Seeing things in black-and-white, like believing “If I’m not perfect, I’m a total failure.”
• Overgeneralization: Thinking one negative event predicts an endless pattern. Such as, “I failed this test and I’ll always fail.”
• Catastrophizing: Making a mountain out of a molehill, like believing “This mistake will ruin my entire career.”
• Mind Reading: Assuming you know what others are thinking “They didn’t smile so they must hate me.”
• Personalization: Taking things personally, such as “The meeting went badly because of me.”

These patterns are very human and most of us experience them at some point, especially during difficult moments. Research shows that they’re linked to feeling worse emotionally, but the good news is, CBT can help by teaching us to spot and reframe these thoughts (Beck, 2011).

Why should we understand this?

You can’t change what you don’t see. That’s why the first step in CBT is called as psychoeducation and it is all about understanding how your own mind works. It’s not about immediately trying to fix or banish your thoughts but about observing them with gentle curiosity. Studies suggest that simply learning about these patterns can help reduce feelings of anxiety and depression by increasing self-awareness (Donker et al., 2009).

When you start to recognize cognitive distortions, it’s like flipping on a light in a dark room. Suddenly, your feelings and reactions make more sense. You see the patterns. And with that clarity, you gain the power to respond differently.

Try This Gentle Exercise
Want to try uncovering your own thoughts? Here’s a simple, friendly activity inspired by CBT techniques:

1. Find a List of Cognitive Distortions: You can start with the examples above, or look up a more comprehensive list online in many reputable sites like Psychology Today or the American Psychological Association. They have good ones.
2. Notice Your Patterns: Think about recent moments when you felt upset or stressed. Do any of these patterns seem familiar? Highlight or jot them down.
3. Analyze a Recent Thought:
   • Recall a recent situation where negative thoughts popped up.
   • Write down what you thought, as an example “I messed up again so, I’m terrible at this”.
   • Ask yourself:
     • Is this thought completely true?
     • How did it make me feel?
     • What might be a more balanced way to see things? For instance, “I made a mistake, but I’m learning and improving.”

Be kind to yourself

This isn’t about forcing positivity. It’s about gently discovering a more accurate and compassionate view of yourself.

This kind of practice that is rooted in CBT, helps you become more aware of your thoughts without judgment and starts to shift how you relate to them.

For Therapists and Educators
If you’re guiding others, it can be in therapy, classrooms, or support groups psychoeducation will be a powerful tool. Here are some tips:

• Normalize the experience: remind everyone that everyone has distorted thoughts at times, especially when stressed, so there’s no shame.
• Use relatable examples: assume a friend’s silence means they’re upset.
• Encourage sharing: invite people to notice and share their own patterns.
• Add a touch of humor: point out that we all catastrophize or mind-read sometimes. It makes the topic feel lighter and more approachable.

Research shows that group-based psychoeducation really boosts understanding and helps people connect (Cuijpers et al., 2008).

Final Thoughts
We often rush to “fix” ourselves without truly understanding what’s happening in our minds. But real change begins with kindness and awareness. When you recognize cognitive distortions, you’re not just labeling “bad” thoughts but you’re empowering yourself to choose which thoughts to nurture and which to gently let go.

Always remember to pause, observe and name the patterns. Question them kindly. Remember that you are not your thoughts. You are the one who notices them. And that awareness gives you the power to shape your inner world with compassion.

With warmth and light, you are a friend walking this journey with you

Share the Journey
If this resonates, share it with someone who might find it helpful, it may be a friend who tends to overthink or a loved one feeling stressed. You might just spark their own gentle journey toward kinder thoughts.

References

Beck, A. T. (1979). Cognitive Therapy and the Emotional Disorders. New York: Meridian.

Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond (2nd ed.). New York: Guilford Press.

Burns, D. D. (1980). Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. New York: Morrow.

Burns, D. D. (1999). The Feeling Good Handbook. New York: Plume.

Cuijpers, P., van Straten, A., & Warmerdam, L. (2008). Psychological treatments of depression: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 64(6), 721–737.

Donker, T., Griffiths, K. M., Cuijpers, P., & Christensen, H. (2009). Psychoeducation for depression, anxiety, and psychological distress: A meta-analysis. BMC Medicine, 7, 79.

Special thanks to my esteemed lecturer, Ms. Dumuthu Pasquel. Thank you, madam, for your valuable insights and guidance.